The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
