check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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