Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
too bad you live with your parents still
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
