I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
