I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
