OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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