"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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