I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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