dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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