I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
