Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
