I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize