I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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