:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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