Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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