Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish I could teleport
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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