in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
