my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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