Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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