i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need a beard to bite.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
