I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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