How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
