I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
