Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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