I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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