Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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