Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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