all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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