you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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