Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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