U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
