The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
