You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
