clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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