Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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