Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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