I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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