ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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