I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
