Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
