coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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