btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
