3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize