Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
