we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
