oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
