Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
