I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
