hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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