Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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