She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
