I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
