just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
