Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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