okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
