I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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