I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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