The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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