so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
