His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
