I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
