me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I currently don't understand fingers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
