i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
