I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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