I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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